The Midlife Unraveling in Women: Why Your 40’s are an Invitation to Wholeness

Brene Brown refers to the time of intense change that many men and women experience in their 40s as the unraveling, “a series of painful nudges strung together by low grade anxiety and depression, quiet desperation, and an insidious loss of control,” that can lead to deep, lasting positive change—but only after quite a struggle. She says it is not a crisis because it isn’t a one and done event, but rather an ongoing process. Based on the works of Carl Jung and Daniel Levinson, the midlife transition in women is not a crisis to be overcome, but rather a developmental stage in its own right, one that all experience. Some experience it as a crisis because this transition is not easy, yet it is a normal developmental stage when according to McFadden & Rawson Swan (2012), “old values are questioned and a new direction is sought.” However, women are also prone to “distress and dissatisfaction” (McFadden & Rawson Swan, 2012), which can serve as the impetus for change, which is what this stage calls for.

Carl Jung had “his own psychological crisis lasting from his late thirties into his early forties” (Hinton, 1979). From that crisis much of his life’s work arose and much of his career thereafter was focused on post-midlife psychology. According to Jung, the first half of life is about finding one’s place in the world and fitting into the world. It is about socialization, finding a profession, and raising a family. Hinton (1979) states that “the ego is the center of personality, at least for the first half of life. It embodies goal-oriented behavior and causal thinking.” By midlife, many of one’s goals have been met, but not always. The origin of the midlife crisis is that his patients “felt a pressure from the unconscious to return to … unlived potentials, the repressed possibilities.” This pressure is felt by “intense moods, emotions, dreams, visions” (Hinton, 1979). The task here is to “restore contact” with the unconsciousness “or face a sterile old age.” Jung calls this process individuation, “a drive toward becoming more authentic, more wholly oneself,” which is the goal of the second half of life (Moody, 2005).

This is similar to Brene Brown’s unraveling experience, and she quotes what she calls the universe saying:

I’m not screwing around. All of this pretending and performing – these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt – has to go. Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy and lovable, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever. Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through your veins. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen. (2018)

Her descriptions of the coping mechanisms and armor are similar to how Jung describes the ego. From a developmental standpoint, Jung would say that this midlife experience is not based on an early developmental milestone not being met, but that this is a stage in its own right. Hinton states that “Jung felt that symptoms [depression, despair] were meant to be listened to and not subdued” (1979).  When working with women at midlife, Jung focused on the archetype of the animus, the masculine element. Each person, regardless of gender, has both masculine and feminine energies in them. Generally, especially during the first half of life, we seek the opposite in a mate, but in midlife, according to Jung, we must reconcile that energy inside of us—men must become more in-touch with their inner feminine (anima), and women must become more in touch with the animus.  

Often this is played out by a woman becoming angry with her partner, and feeling negatively toward herself and how she has lived her life up to this point. She may feel like her partner doesn’t understand her and what she has been doing is of no value. However, according to Jung, the goal is the development of “more independence and assertiveness in the world” (Hinton, 1979), and use this inner masculine energy to find new purpose in her life, a purpose that comes from within her rather than from outer cultural forces. Midlife becomes an initiation into change (Hinton, 1979) as the woman incorporates both her feminine and masculine sides to become whole.

Similar to Jung, Freud when through “a lengthy period of mid-life developmental work, including his self-analysis” which led to the publication of The Interpretation of Dreams, his seminal work. Like Jung and Freud, developmental theorist Daniel Levinson,  “found his calling only in the turmoil of a painful mid-life transition,” which proved to be of great value because “Levinson then managed during the second half of his life to integrate nearly every aspect of living into the pursuit of his dream” (Newton 1994). According to Levinson, adults go through specific stages and transitions which form “an underlying order in the human life course” (Levinson, 1986). His stages are based on empirical evidence of both women and men and validated through other studies. Levinson theorizes that the so-called midlife crisis is the stage of change between early adulthood (up to age 20-40), and middle adulthood (beginning at age 40). He calls the years between 40 and 45 the midlife transition (Levinson, 1986). According to Minter and Samuels (1998), Levinson’s midlife transition is:

a period of potentially intense introspection in which the individual reappraises life and attempts to come to terms with the past and who he or she is in preparation for the move into Middle Adulthood. This is an important period during which the outer life structure and inner concept of self undergo often profound change as the individual yearns for a life of little compromise in which their values, talents, and aspirations can be expressed.

This points to the gifts that midlife offer: the ability to remake one’s life and to pursue one’s purpose. The midlife transition is thus not a problem but a stage that everyone goes through as they transition from early adulthood to middle adulthood. This “transitional period terminates the existing life structure and creates the possibility for a new one. The primary tasks of every transitional period are to reappraise the existing structure, to explore possibilities for change in the self and the world” (Levinson, 1986).

Therefore, what we consider perhaps the midlife crisis or transition is not a problem at all, but a developmental stage. For a woman to “solve” this stage, she must be open and willing to change. Levinson states that “one developmental task of this transition is to begin a new step in individuation,” and he says that if this occurs “we can become more compassionate, more reflective and judicious, less tyrannized by inner conflicts and external demands, and more genuinely loving of ourselves and others. Without it, our lives become increasingly trivial or stagnant” (Levinson, 1986).

One of the issues women face during the midlife transition has to do with what Levinson calls the Dream: “a vague sense of self in the adult world, of the kind of life one wants to lead as an adult. It has the quality of a vision, an imagined possibility that generates excitement and vitality” (Minter and Samuels, 1998). If a woman has reached and accomplished her Dream, then her experience of the midlife transition will be less fraught than a woman who has not. Often a woman’s Dream, according to Minter and Samuels, is based on many factors, including marriage, family, career, and personal growth. It can vary based upon what the woman wants out of life. This is similar to the idea of quality world, based on choice theory, with is “our personal Shangri-La—the world we would like to live in if we could. It is completely based on our wants and needs…. [it] consists of specific images of people, activities, events, beliefs, possessions, and situations that fulfill our needs (Corey, 2017). The Dream can also be thought of as purpose.

Minter and Samuels found that a woman’s Dream changes in midlife, that it becomes more about personal fulfillment and occupational success rather than marriage and family (Minter & Samuels, 1998). In this case, the midlife transition is less about not meeting an earlier developmental task but more about having met certain tasks, and now being open to new ones. This can often be very confusing.  

From Jung and Levinson’s perspective, this tumultuous transitional period occurs regardless of one’s past, including trauma. However, earlier traumas can come up in the guise of “unfinished business” (Corey, 2017) that needs to be addressed. Earlier attachment wounds and issues can call attention in the form of relationship difficulties (Broderick & Blewitt, 2020). Divorce, death, and other traumatic events can be the impetus for change in midlife (McFadden & Rawson Swan, 2012). In fact, depending on how one defines trauma, most do not reach midlife without experiencing some form of trauma (Broderick & Blewitt, 2020). Some may develop post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as a result of one or more traumatic events. PTSD and other responses to trauma are not age-specific, but can come about at any age. If a woman is experiencing these issues, she should get adequate support for them through counseling and other supports.

 This is an important time for a woman to consider her purpose, values, and what could be called her unconsciousness, the self, the universe, or life, is trying to teach her. What do her inner longings point toward? What unfinished business does she need to take care of? This is a time of exploration, a time of change that should be supported. She should first know that what she is experiencing is normal, is not a crisis at all, but is a developmental stage that all face. If she can get through it with her mind and heart open, there is great opportunity there for a life that is much more aligned with her inner self.

McFadden and Rawson Swan (2012) share resources and supports that make this transition easier for women. These include having close friendships and strong social networks, which serve as a buffer against depression. Making art is an intervention that can help facilitate “a significant turning point in [a woman’s] personal journey” and can be applied therapeutically (McFadden and Rawson Swan, 2012).  In therapy, Jung would use art and dreams to help uncover the unconsciousness and the direction that a patient can take is based on what comes up from the inside, rather than conforming to outside forces. One’s symptoms become messengers and these speak to the changes a woman can make in her life, to become more whole and who she actually is (Hinton, 1979). Other therapeutic allies include meditation and relaxation practices.

Today, many women have so many resources available to them, and women, especially in midlife, have more time and opportunity to pursue their dreams and purpose and express who they really are. Jung and Levinson offer optimistic ways of looking at midlife as opportunity rather than crisis.  

References

Broderick, P.C. and P. Blewitt. (2020) The Life Span: Human Development for Helping

Professionals.5th edition. New York: Pearson.

Brown, B. (2018, May 24). The midlife unraveling [Blog post]. Retrieved from

https://brenebrown.com/blog/2018/05/24/the-midlife-unraveling/.

Corey, G. (2017). Theory and practice of counseling and psychotherapy. 10th edition. Boston, MA: Cengage.

Hinton, L. (1979). Jung’s approach to therapy with mid-life patients. Journal of The American

Academy of Psychoanalysis, 7(1), 525-541.

Levinson, D. J. (1986). A conception of adult development. American Psychologist, 41(1), 3-13.

McFadden, J. R., & Rawson Swan, K. T. (2012). Women during midlife: Is it transition or crisis?

Family & Consumer Sciences Research Journal, 40(1), 313-325.

Minter, L. E. & Samuels, C. A. (1998). The impact of ‘the dream’ on women’s experience of the

midlife transition. Journal of Adult Development, 5(1), 31-43.

Moody, H. R. (2005). Dreams for the second half of life. Journal of Gerontological Social Work,

45(3), 271-292.

Newton, P. M. (1994). Daniel Levinson and his theory of adult development: A reminiscence

and some clarifications. Journal of Adult Development, 1(3), 135-147.

(This is a paper I wrote in 2020 while in graduate school at The University of Dayton in Dayton, Ohio.